Anakin’s 7 Sandy Seduction Tips to Make the Ladies Say “Yipee”

Tired of spending your Friday nights desperately trying to pick up girls at the local cantina, but always end up going home alone like a scruffy looking nerf herder? Well you’re in luck! Put down that spanner, quit monkeying around that damn landspeeder, and soak up some knowledge from acclaimed love-soldier and Jedi master-adjacent Anakin Skywalker.

  1. “You underestimate my power!”

Fellas, ladies love a man with a little confidence. Even if you don’t have a chiseled six-pack of rock hard abs like Kit Fisto, you can still come across hotter than a gentle breeze on Mustafar. Believing in yourself is extremely attractive. Do you really think Anakin could have killed not just the men, but the women and children too without that trademark Skywalker self-confidence?

  1. “Spinning, it’s a good trick!”

Time to dust off those high school dance lessons and break loose the funk that holds the universe together. Take a page out of the book from master Yoda and spin like your life depends on it! You may have groaned and complained at having to learn the Sarlaac Spin as a youngling, but ladies love a man that can spin. Look at Sheev, it definitely wasn’t his looks that let him continue the Palpatine lineage. 

  1. “This is where the fun begins.”

Time to get real, boys. Let her know you enjoy spending time with her. Nothing brings people closer together like sharing a playful moment. If you’re the one that initiates the fun, you should have little difficulty securing that date. Telling a funny knock-knock joke, making a silly face, or winning the annual Boonta Eve Classic podracing tournament and then telling her about it are all proven ways to begin the fun.

  1. “I don’t like sand. It’s course and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.”

Some men keep their thoughts and emotions bottled up. Sharing a cool, gritty fact about yourself such as your intense dislike of sand keeps her interested and curious. Maybe if you’re lucky, she also shares the same unhealthy hatred of sand as you. It’s especially good to unearth these personality traits early, instead of finding out she loves the beach once you’re already dating. 

  1. “The biggest problem in this universe is nobody helps each other.”

Even the strongest, wisest, and smoothest of flyboys need some assistance from time to time. Calling in your number 1 wingman can both bolster your confidence, and improve your chances at finding love in this galaxy. Without Obi-wan as his guide and hype-man, there’s no way little Ani would have had a shot with Nabooian royalty Padme Amadalia. 

  1. “Love won’t save you, only my new powers can”

If you have a cool party trick, don’t hold back! Conjuring an imperial credit from behind someone’s ear, using the force to guess their card, or jump-starting their landspeeder with a little force lightning is truly the height of seduction. Even if you don’t have the midichlorians of a jedi or the best sleight of hand, there are tons of nifty magic tricks that even Dexter Jettster can master!

  1. “I’m a person and my name is Anakin.”

Self-love is the most important lesson Anakin teaches. No matter how many times you get rejected, you are an important, valuable person and you deserve happiness. Whenever you’re feeling like a Jar Jar, remember you’re a person and your name is Anakin. 

Lastly, don’t fear rejection. Even if she throws her glass of bantha milk in your face, she wasn’t worth it to begin with. As Qui-gon would say “there’s always a bigger fish.” If you fall, just get back on that pod-racer and go get em, young padawan!

Author: realhumanbird

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