Everything you need to know about this year’s Boonta Eve Classic

Rev up those engines, podracers, because this is going to be an event you do not want to miss! Scheduled during the Hutt’s Boonta Eve holiday celebration on Tatooine, this podracing championship isn’t your typical holiday special. This year we have contestants attending from all corners of the outer rim, including a puny human boy as well as fan-favourite Sebula which should make things nice and hazardous. Sixteen racers in total, only one will emerge victorious. The rules are simple: follow the Mos Espa Grand Arena track, dominate the competition, and as everyone knows from last year, the winner MUST be alive when crossing the finish line. Hold onto your seats sports fans, because this is your one-stop spot for everything Boonta Eve Classic!

Where to Eat

As the locals in Mos Espa say “The food is cheap but the water is where they really get you.” Take that to heart because the only easily available water at the event is bottled water which usually comes from one of the many poor underpaid moisture farmers living out in the middle of the desert who have to protect their adopted kids from creepy old hermits. It might be a good idea to develop a taste for bantha milk during your stay on Tatooine.

McEspas

For food options, you can’t go wrong with McEspas. Cheap, fast, and greasy, it’s hard to go wrong with a classic like McEspas. Meat and meat-like food has never tasted so good! such as deep fried Jawa, Tusken Raider bites, double deep fried Maul legs, and Sand Surprise™.

Pizza Hutt

Proudly Hutt-owned chain, Pizza Hutt is guaranteed to satisfy your weekly grease intake with every bite. Every pizza is also packed with flavor, being flash cooked using the exhaust vents from one of the many Dilarium oil refineries local to Tattoine. Don’t be a stranger, head over to Pizza Hutt for a slice of sand and pineapple, dweezel and dewback deluxe, or classic pepperoni! 

Racers to Watch

Sebulba

Clear fan-favorite racer from Malastare, who makes up for his messed up vertebrae with his unbridled viscousness. This bad-boy tries to win every race he can in a desperate attempt to fill that giant podracer-sized hole inside him where his heart used to be. Maybe his mother didn’t love him enough, maybe his girlfriend cheated on him with a Tusken Raider, nobody truly knows what goes on in that oddly shaped skull of his that makes him such a rascal. 

Ben Quadinaros

What more can be said about this absolute unit that his dominant alpha demeanor and raw sex appeal doesn’t already clearly show? With those glorious testosterone-packed jowls, this man’s man can take his pick of the ladies or fellas. This legendary lad has been known to make straight men question their sexuality with just one lusty look. Legend has it the Sith have been conducting research on him and his famous high-waisted pants on how to extract the power within. One lazy glance from Big Q can freeze time, turn your stomach inside out, and transform your legs into pure bacta gel. No matter how hard you resist, you cannot stop falling for the Quadinaros. 

Anakin Skywaker

“Well, I know he built C-3PO

And I’ve heard how fast his pod can go

And we were broke, it’s true

So we made a wager or two

Ooh, he was a prepubescent flyin’ ace

And the minute Jabba started off that race

Well, I knew who would win first place

Oh yes, it was our boy.”

-Weird Al, 1999 BBY. Extracted from The Great Prophecy from a Jedi Holocron, Courtesy of Jedi Master Yoda

Parking

You might be thinking since Tatooine is flat and sandy, you can just park anywhere. However, unless you want your ship dismantled for parts by the local Jawas faster than you can say “Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise?” then I would not risk it. Imagine having to buy your ship parts back from them on their Sandcrawler like some punk and see how that goes. 

Typically you’re going to want to find a nice Hutt-owned port as they control everything here on Tatooine. The Hutts are known as an honest and beloved species, and we are all lucky to have them watching over us. It was even announced that Jabba “The Hero of Mos Espa” himself will be attending this year’s podracing championship! This year has the makings to be one of the best Boonta Eve Classics of all time, don’t go anywhere, pod pals!

Author: realhumanbird

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